Control is crazy.

Don's sermon at PICC brought this chick to her knees before the Most High God. That was the topic of the sermon, El Elyon - Most High God. (aside - PICC's updated website has Messages on Demand so if you're interested you can listen to the sermon here.)

So - during the sermon, I took some major body blows.

• Punch 1 - My greatest struggle is not being in control. ouch
• Punch 2 - Do I trust in God Most High, or am I going to do what I thing is best and convenient for me? oouuff
• KO punch - Every time I try to control my life, I am making myself "most high god." She's down for the count folks.

The worst part is, I've fought this fight before, yet here I am again dancing around the same ring. So, where does this need to try and control things come from? Pretty basically, fear. For me, fear of what the future holds for me. The fear masks itself as impatience sometimes - but when you get right down to it . . . and call it what it is . . . it's fear that God really isn't going to act on His promises for my life.

So - how to respond to fear? Not with trying to manipulate or control to make things work out MY way, but with understanding what God says about it.

2 Timothy 1:7 says (my paraphrase) God doesn't give me a spirit of fear; but a spirit of power, love and a clear mind.

The clear mind is an important cue - when I find myself going all "crazy girl" about things - I need to step back and realize where that's coming from, 'cause it 'sho 'nuff ain't coming from God's spirit!

It's coming out of a frightened little girl inside me, who isn't listening to her Abba Father.